*warning: post contains 1 count of vulgar language*
I have only one thing to say to you: Adios Motherfucker.
While I have absolutely no room to complain, the better part of this year has included some of the worst months of my life. I say this not to elicit sympathy or pity- I don't want or deserve either. Seriously. Take a look at my blessings:
- I have an adequate roof overhead.
- There's plenty of food on the table.
- My children are healthy and happy.
- I have supportive family and friends.
- I've been able to continue my education.
- My husband's job is 10 minutes from home. (after 4 years of working 8,000 miles away.)
These are all things I'm extremely grateful for.
I don't take ANY of it for granted.
Nevertheless, there has been a significant amount of emotional, physical, and financial turmoil. Relationship troubles... internal deliberations... endless tears that spring up from nowhere when I'm alone and my mind has time to wander... they've all taken their toll.
This time last year I was juggling life in the middle of crisis mode. In September I dragged myself to the doctor hoping she could explain why I was losing so much hair. After the blood work came back normal she asked me, "Have you recently experienced a period of extreme stress?" "Why, yes, yes I have." I was expecting something hormonal. After all, you lose a lot of hair after childbirth. It seems that's not due to hormones after all, but the stress your body undergoes growing a baby. It's a minor thing but I'm still crossing fingers this hair shedding doesn't become chronic.
A whole lot of good things have happened this year and I'm ending it feeling stronger and steadier than I imagined. It doesn't mean there's an easy path ahead- in fact I don't even know what lies ahead, there are definitely options- but it does mean I'm especially ready to join the chorus:
Out with the Old, In with the New!
The last week of December and the first week of January has been one of my favorite time periods nearly every year since I've counted myself an adult. It can be so gratifying to reflect on the past and exhilarating to look toward the future. Usually I'm filled with optimism and focus and geared up for experiencing what's next. Last year, not so much. So today, the feelings of hope, anticipation and being ready-for-anything are especially amplified.
It's a good day.
A good day to say goodbye.
I'll be back tomorrow smiling even bigger; saying hello to the promise of a great new year.